Aynsley Rae is 2!

Chocolate on ice cream and ripe avocados


Warm buttered pancakes and samples at Costco

Coral and playgrounds and children on swings

These are a few of my favorite things



Playing with PopPop and Lolly's pink flowers

Ponies and puppies and Barney for hours

Mommy to dance with and music to sing

These are a few of my favorite things



Pink satin blankets and a pool for splish-splashes

Sunshine that stays on my nose and eyelashes

Dolls, books and playdough and toys Daddy brings
These are a few of my favorite things

Lolly, Aynsley & Santa

Awesome hair

My rant on abortion

I don't like to be in the midst of controversy, but I'm just tired of the arguments as to "if abortion is okay" and when a human life is actually "alive" and a woman's right to choose.
This is the answer:  Unless you are a victim of rape or incest or doctor's deem it medically necessary to save your life, ABORTION IS NEVER OK.

For those that argue "women's right to choose."  You made a choice, now deal with the result.  You made the choice to have intercourse and risked getting pregnant.  If that isn't what you want, don't have intercourse!!!!

If you get pregnant and don't want to be a parent, send your babies my way!  I would be happy to be their Momma!

To Aynsley from Daddy

I asked Barry to write a poem for Aynsley's 1 year birthday.  I think it's perfection.
My little darling Aynsley Rae;


You brighten up my darkest day;

Your life is just beginning;

New adventures every day;

You grow bigger and stronger;

as each day goes by;

I often wonder what new exciting thing;

That you might try;

Whether its saying your first word;

Or taking your first step;

I want to be there for it all;

No matter how big or small;

So get lots of sleep;

Because tomorrow's a new day;

Another gift from God;

Another day with Aynsley Rae.

Growing Personality

This week, Aynsley has decided to switch her dislikes.  Since she was a teeny tiny baby, she screamed, cried, howled each time she was placed in her car seat.  Yet, she was an angel when getting her diaper changed.  She has always loved getting undressed, but HATES getting dressed.  Now, she likes the car seat and dislikes the diaper changing.  Just when you think you have a kid figured out....

One thing is for sure.  She loves to eat.  We went to Taco del Mar today.  She ate a lot of guac, rice, beans and chicken.  Then came home and had more food, went over to Lolly/Pop's house and had more!  Needless to say, she is not the delicate skinny fragile little girl I once had.  Her thighs are ginormous and beautiful.  She is so squishy and chubby that I challenge anyone to hold her and not squeeze her!  My favorite is when her bum cheek hangs out of her diaper!

Back in the Saddle AGAIN.

Yep, it's happened again. I've got the blogging bug. I really don't enjoy blogging, but I'm worried that I won't remember all these little moments that are created in my home. For starters, tonight, while at Mom and Dad's house with Grammies over for dinner, Aynsley got up on all fours like she was going to crawl! It was an exciting, thrilling little moment.... yep, right before sherolled over on her back. Don't get me wrong. I'm in no rush to have her crawl, but a part of me is just amazed at her little body and what it can do already.
She loves and discovers so many things every second, I find myself lost in her over and over again. Truly, I never take pictures of her, never video her, never write about her - because I am with her. 100%. Nothing - cameras, computers, housework, yardwork, cooking, friends, etc. breaks me away from her.
The truth is, I wish I did some of the other things, but I so enamored with my child, nothing compares to mothering her.

Lazy yet practical idea

I dislike folding sheets. Correction, I dislike folding fitted sheets. I change our sheets every Monday. Monday is clean sheets day. But, I've been quite lazy. Instead of washing sheets right away, I save them for the following Monday. In essence, I take dirty sheets off, and put clean ones on straight from the washer/dryer. I put the dirty sheets in the hamper and don't wash them until next Monday when I will need them again. Bonus, no folding, warm sheets. I pray that I will always have 2 pairs of sheets to switch.

9 months

 

Playtime

Aynsley's Big Day

Mark your calendar: Sunday, March 6, 2011 @ 9:00 - Aynsley will be blessed at church. We can't wait and hope that you come!

Love,

Barry, Dianna & Aynsley Rae Barnette

1st time for everything

I just trimmed Aynsley's fingernails. I could no longer deal with her self inflicted scratches on her nose.

Induction or wait and see?

Due to my continual hyper-emesis, weight loss and gest. diabetes, Dr. Hicks has suggested induction. We have 2 options. They are: get an amniocentesis to verify that her lungs are fully developed at 36 weeks, induce at 37 weeks. OR, induce at 39 weeks. Believing in the power of prayer, I have decided to hang in there until 39 weeks. She is thriving and I feel better knowing that all she and I have gone through, leave something alone that isn't broken. I will continue my daily regimen of sleeping during the day, pukin', and prickin' my body! I am reminded that Heavenly Father is just making sure I want this little girl!

Muscle Atrophy

Atrophy is the partial or complete wasting away of a part of the body. Causes of atrophy include mutations (which can destroy the gene to build up the organ), poor nourishment, poor circulation, loss of hormonal support, loss of nerve supply to the target organ, disuse or lack of exercise or disease intrinsic to the tissue itself.

Disuse atrophy of muscles (muscle atrophy) and bones, with loss of mass and strength, can occur after prolonged immobility, such as extended bedrest, or having a body part in a cast (living in darkness for the eye, bedridden for the legs etc.). This type of atrophy can usually be reversed with exercise unless severe.

Yes, yes I have it and you may too! Don't worry, if the doc puts you on bedrest for the length of your pregnancy, she will also refer you to many many sessions of physical therapy once your pregnancy ends. And, it is completely reversible. Signs of it are unable to walk without exhaustion, severe pelvic pressure, weight loss, soreness of limbs and my personal favorite, loss of bladder control!

Ultrasound

There is ONLY one good thing about being high risk: Ultrasounds. I get to have 1 every 4 weeks, a luxury most mothers would love! I not only get images each time, but Barry and I also get to watch her grow. She is doing great and gaining weight, even if I'm not. At 34 weeks, she weighs 5 lbs and looks very healthy. The ultrasound even shows that she has a full head of hair. Technology is great!

Teaching, not so much

Kaiser Permanente has casually approached me about teaching/sharing my pregnancy journey. I'm not keen on teaching simply because this struggle is so personal and heart wrenching to remember. To dredge up the horror stories is something that does not appeal to me. Maybe later, when this is all behind us. For now, I have given permission to share our blog with other women. I, along my doctors, don't know of another woman that has the same reaction to HCG (from wikipedia: Human chorionic gonadotropin is a glycoprotein hormone produced in pregnancy that is made by the developing embryo after conception and later by the syncytiotrophoblast (part of the placenta).[1] Its role is to prevent the disintegration of the corpus luteum of the ovary and thereby maintain progesterone production that is critical for a pregnancy in humans. hCG may have additional functions; for instance, it is thought that hCG affects the immune tolerance of the pregnancy.), but on the off chance that they treat the less than 1% of pregnant women that have this, it's a great place to hear that they aren't alone!

Swiffer Wet Jet

Do you have a swiffer wet jet? I do and I loooove it. It's lightweight and very handy. Yet, I HATE having to pay so much for the refills. So, with a little ingenuity on my part, I have solved my problem.
Drill a small hole on the TOP of the bottle (big enough for a funnel). Put your own cheaper solution in the bottle, then cover hole with duct tape. Voila!
If you want to be fancy, you can hot glue gun a nut in the hole and cork it with a bolt. Either way, you'll save some moola and help the environment!

NST

With this high risk pregnancy due to prednisone, massive weightloss, low blood pressure, chronic severe hyper emesis, diabetes and all the other stuff, I "get" to go to the doctors 3 times a week. Once to meet with the doc, 2 times for NST's. NST's are non stress tests done by ultrasound. For an hour, they make sure the baby's heart rate is rhythmic and that she responds to sudden changes (I drink a glass of juice - must be sugar free thanks to gest. diab.). They check her movement and her overall health in the womb. If something goes awry (she doesn't respond, they can't wake her up), then I head to the hospital. So far, we are good. NST's are done for women that also have preeclampsia, heart malfunctions, fetuses with a congenial disorder etc. It is nice to be able to hear the heartbeat, just a pain that it takes so long and is so often. Next time I go, I'm going to record the heartbeat. Why not? Ringtone for cell phone?

The show does go on....

I went to the doc today about the gestational diabetes.... pretty much a waste of time... the worst most humiliating thing happened. My appt was in the morning, and mornings pretty much suck for me. Well, this am was no different. I was in the dieticians office, started to feel sick, asked where the bathroom was, ran as fast as I could and..... didn't make it. I puked all over the carpet, the door to the restroom, the floor in the restroom, the toilet, and myself. The worst part was that I did this in front of a doctor who was passing me in the hall. By the time that I had cleaned up the bathroom and was getting ready to clean the carpet/door, the maintenance guy came by with one of the little yellow signs for wet floors. He said that he would clean it, but I was crying so hard, I just kept cleaning. The carpet was the only thing he had to do, I was so embarrassed. To make matters worse, my dietician came looking for me because I was gone for so long and saw the puke and me covered. But, like a lady, the show must go on. I pulled myself together, went to her office and finished the meeting (even with puke still left on my foot)..... I couldn't get out of there fast enough. You think I would be used to tis by now, but I'm not. And the worst part? I had a emesis bag in my purse all along.

Diabetes, Gestational

Diagnosed at 26 weeks. It entails checking my blood glucose several times a day (same needle prick as when you donate blood and they check your iron level). Insulin is then measured (2 different types: fast acting and slow acting) and I shoot myself in the stomach 4 times. The needles are so small! In reality, the finger prick is worse than the syringe. Obviously, my diet has changed. Even though I still weigh 30 lbs less than before pregnancy, I have to watch my carbs. No more fruit! This has been the hardest thing to give up because without fruit, cereal or yogurt, my daily repitoire is gone! But alas, I must try to eat more protein for me and the baby. If not, there are serious risks to both of us. Bon Appetit~

Bedrest

My theory: It's great for the first week or two...being waited on, "relaxing", but after that, it's just all out depressing. Your lack of independence starts to sink in and your inability to even help yourself to the restroom takes a toll on your emotional state.
The worst, however, is for the caregivers (i.e. husband, parents, friends) who have to help you with every little detail. I'm grateful for my support network. From bathing me to making meals to administering medication to laundry, I could NOT do this without them.

Pregnancy Woes

Feel free to skip this post. Admittedly, it is full of my discouraging days and the never ending illness of being pregnant.

As of April 26th, I am 19 weeks pregnant and still have the PICC line in (the baby and I are fed nutritionaly through a catheter that runs in my veins and empties into my vena cava). I have developed a severe rash due to the sterile dressing that is used on my arm to cover the exposed line. Typically, the home infusion nurse doesn't need to come out to the house but once a week to take vitals, do blood draws and change the dressing. However, lucky me, they have to come out every single day due to the dressing that my skin tolerates - gauze. My arm is covered in welts and hurts/itches like hell. Why oh why can't something go right?

Ahhhh....

Dianna,

I miss you a bunch
I miss kissing your neck;

I miss you terribly
Even while catching sharptail grouse on a lek.

Don't worry a bit
I'll be home before you know it;

I bet you didn't know
Your husband was a poet.

Barry

love letter

Dianna,

I am sitting in a hotel room in Idaho, listening to it rain outside. I am supposed to be doing my homework but lack the motivation. I can't seem to do much of anything, other than think about you. I wanted to send you a quick note to let you know I am missing you, but when I type that sentiment it just doesn't seem to capture what I am really feeling. People miss their friends when they go on vacation, a little boy might miss his dog, and we often reminisce about family that does not live so close, and say how much we miss them. I do not miss you, for that would mean that what I feel when you are not around is normal. And I can assure you it is anything but. I can't wait to be by your side again. It is way more than a physical attraction, and is closer to the rush one gets when receiving an electrical shock. I often wonder why god didn't place our spirits here on Earth closer together in time, but I figure that he knew I must age before I could truly appreciate the happiness you make my heart feel. I would have liked to think that I had a pretty good idea of what love means, but I didn't have a clue until I met you.
Now you are the mother of my child. Giving everything you can give to make our family complete. You amaze me every day with your strength, and determination. I look forward to spending each and every day with you for the rest of my life.

Love,
Your husband

The NG tube... from hell

Since being pregnant, I have LOST 38 pounds. This is great to take off some weight, but unfortunately, I am starving me and my little baby. Kidney, liver, and pancreatic failure starts to happen and well - the end is not life. The 38 pounds was lost in a little over 2 months when I should have been GAINING weight. The reason for all of this loss? Severe Hyper-Emesis. In other words, I barf, barf, barf all day. We're not talking about stomach flu sick, but throwing up bile which I don't recommend. However, being an expert on the puke, it's a lot better than dry heaving.
So, doctor doctor what do we do? A feeding tube! Yes, that's right. All of the nutrition is in a bag that is fed in a tube that is put into my nose, goes in the back of my throat and ends up in my small intestine. In theory, the "food" misses the stomach and won't cause vomit. HA.
Now, I can't put into words the absolute pain that occurs when the tube is shoved up your nose and down your throat. I won't even try.
A few days after the food tube was placed, I asked to take a shower. The nurse happily obliged (I looked/smelled/felt uhhhh.... not humanly). We unhooked the tube and I sat on the hospital shower floor with warm wet towels while Mom washed my hair. It felt SO good to have water cleanse me. I felt so refreshed. Tired from the movement, but alive. Mom and Daddy had bought new PJ's for me and I climbed in them, paged Julie (RN) to come hook me back up to my feed bag. I'm being hooked up, the pump started and.... nothing. Despair. The tube that had food in it still had turned into concrete. LITERALLY. She tried flushing with saline for 15 minutes. No budge. This means that the line has to come out and be re-inserted. Tears. It wasn't Julie's fault for not knowing to flush the line before I was unhooked. I'm in the antepartum dept. of the hospital, not ICU. I'm not aneorexic or bulimic, I'm pregnant. Julie panics and pages ICU. A few minutes later, a chubby nurse comes up to look at the scenario. "You're screwed." No!!! Please, find someone that has experience with clots and clogs of cement in a tube and send them to me! A few more minutes later, my knights in shining armor appear... with a coke can. They are going to insert coke into the line and see if the coke will break down the cement. Now mind you, this is just coke, what you drink. It is going to dissolve cement... and lo and behold, it does! Tears of joy! The feeding tube has been saved! I'm so ecstatic, I want to kiss the ICU knights. They leave and I'm left saying thanks to the Lord.
Well, the Lord works in very VERY mysterious ways. Not 10 minutes later, I start to vomit vigorously. The feeding tube.... comes up in my mouth. I am choking on the feeding tube. Julie quickly pulls the tube out of my nose. It's over. The feeding tube is not going to work for me and my child. Back to square one.

Peter Pan

The love of my life is a little chubby boy that lives 747 miles away. He is almost 2 and is perfect in every way. Here are some pictures of our nephew, Bentley.

Barry's Poem

This poem was given to me by Bear "just because." I had to put it on here because it makes my heart melt.


I LOVE THE WAY YOU SMELL IN THE MORNING,
I LOVE THE KISSES TO MY EYES, THEY COME WITHOUT WARNING.

I NEED TO HAVE YOU NEAR ME EVEN WHEN I SLEEP,
I ALWAYS KNOW YOU'RE THERE WITHOUT EVEN A SOUND, NOT EVEN A PEEP.

I LIKE THE WAY YOU WATCH OUT FOR MY HEALTH,
I LIKE THE FACT YOU'RE NOT HERE FOR MY WEALTH.

I WORRY YOU DON'T SPEND ENOUGH TIME ON YOURSELF,
I WORRY THAT YOU TAKE CARE OF OTHERS, LIKE A "DO EVERYTHING" ELF.

I WONDER WHAT LIFE WOULD BE LIKE IF WE HAD NOT MET,
I CAN GUARANTEE I WOULD BE A LOT POORER I BET.

I CAN'T IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU BY MY SIDE,
I AM GLAD YOU ARE HERE IN MY LIFE, WHAT A WONDERFUL RIDE.

I LOVE THAT YOU LIKE COUNTRY MUSIC THE BEST,
I WORRY THAT YOU CAN'T SEE THAT KEITH URBAN'S A FAG!

YOU BALANCE THE CHECKBOOK WITHOUT EVEN TRYING,
I CAN BALANCE ON ONE LEG, NO I AM NOT LYING.

I WISH THAT I COULD GIVE YOU THE CHILD YOU SO DESPERATELY SEEK,
I WORRY THAT THE CHILD WILL THINK THEIR FATHER IS OLD AND WEAK.

I WANT TO BE A BETTER MAN FOR MY WIFE,
BECAUSE I SUSPECT SHE'LL BE HERE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

-BARRY

Mount St. Helens

Dear Warren, Abigail, Avery & Madeleine,

Did you know that we live by Mount St. Helens? It's an active volcano that you can see from our house! One day, the whole family (we'll take Gram's too) will drive out to see it. It's beautiful and is still steaming! The volcano erupted when your Dad was just 1 years old! That was a long time ago....

Aunti DiDi

The Portland, Or Zoo

Dear Warren, Abigail, Avery & Madeleine,

I love the zoo, but I have never gone to the zoo by my house. I think that when you get here, we should go. Uncle Barry really really wants to go with you. The zoo even has a train! There are lots of animals including a big mama elephant, Rose-Tu, and baby elephant, Samudra.

PICNIC

Hey Kids -

This is your Uncle Barry, Aunti DiDi's husband. I am very happy that you are coming to stay with us. We have soooo much to do! One of those things is picnics. DiDi LOVES picnics. If she could, she would eat outside every single day, even in the rain! She loves to go to parks to eat or just in our backyard. She even has a very cool picnic basket with little dishes and silverware. I hope you like picnics!

Roasting Marshmallows

Dear Warren, Abigail, Avery & Madeleine,

Do you like marshmallows? Do you like marshmallows over a campfire? Well, guess what? In July, we will get to have a fire outside and roast marshmallows and make yummy s'mores!

I can't wait!

DiDi

Battle Ground Lake

Dear Warren, Abigail, Avery and Madeleine -

Hello! This is your cousin, Dianna. Although, all special children call me Aunti DiDi - and you are special, so you can call me DiDi too! I heard from a little birdie that you will be staying with me in July. I'm so excited! Sometimes I get so excited, I jump up and down and run around in circles.
It is actually a crater from a volcanic blast that filled up with water. It is only 10 minutes away from my house and we can go swimming in the lake, boating on the lake, walk around the lake, or better yet, fishing!

Best Mother's Day EVER (so far)!

I'm not a Mom yet (duh), which makes Mother's Day a hard day to handle...I mope and feel sorry that I don't have any children, even though I pray for them each and every night. A whole other story that I don't want to delve into.

But, what I do want to talk about is my "Mother's" Day surprise!

Bekah is not only my favorite cousin, but one of those women that you want to be like in every aspect. She called and said, "We're coming!"

She, Andy (her genius husband) and their children: Warren (5/30/03), Abigail (5/17/05), Avery (12/18/06) & Madeleine (2/25/09) are coming to see ME!!!



In Mesa, July is miserable, a scorching 110 on the mercury. Here in Washington, we are a pleasant 80. So really, it's a no brainer!

They will be here for only a month, but it will be wonderful to have them. Bear and I can't wait to spoil children and introduce them to parks, hikes, waterfalls, zoos, livestock etc.!

This blog is not only to brag, but to prepare my "Jennings Journey in July." If you have any suggestions for fun days, let me know! Ages are 5 months - 6 years and they will be accompanied by 2 very willing and enthusiastic women. :)

Broken by Lindsay Haun

Wake up to a sunny day, Not a cloud up in the sky
Then it starts to rain.
My defenses hit the ground, and they shatter all around
So open and exposed
But I find strength in the struggle
Face to face with my trouble

When you're broken, in a million little pieces
And you're trying, but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken.

Little girl don't be so blue
I know what you're going through
Don't let it beat you up.
Hitting walls and getting scars
Only makes you who you are
Only makes you who you are.
No matter how much your heart is aching
There is beauty in the breaking

Better days are you gonna find you once again
Everything will find its place

When you're broken, when you're broken

Oh when you're broken
When you're broken
When you're broken

My girl, Annie

This is a terribly difficult letter to write and I apologize that I am writing instead of calling.

This month, Gram's will be moving into an adult family home, Wisteria Gardens. This is NOT a nursing home. This is an actual residence with only 6 patients allowed. Right now, there is only 1, but that will quickly change. There is a caregiver on duty 24 hours a day. The downstairs are residents rooms, the upstairs is for the caregivers. It has worked out beautifully as she was able to pick out which room she wanted! There are pictures below of the home. You can also click on this link:

www.wisteriaphotos.com


Some of the highlights are: gardening, peacocks!, it's 10 minutes away from Mom/Dad/Barry/I, close in to Battle Ground (the town that her hair salon, where she has done shopping etc), lots and lots of flowers, beautiful landscaping, her own room (we will be buying a TV), home cooked meals, laundry service, no visiting hours, Buddy is able to visit!, medication management. etc.

Basically, they will be doing everything that Barry and I have been doing. I will still be taking her to doctor's appointments and hair appointments. And yes, I will still be visiting her every day. Some people think that I should cut the umbilical cord, but I just can't! They are going to allow me to sleep with her for a few nights at the new place too (I didn't really give them a choice).

It will be very hard for her to go through 91.11 years of belongings and memories, and leave her home of 12 years. My hope is that this transition goes smoothly and that she is happier with folks her own age and doing some things that she can't do here. She is sad that Buddy can't go with her (they have become very very close. She won't go to bed without him, will not eat without him etc.), but she will see him often. The caregiver is even considering using him as a therapy dog! I feel that Papa would be comfortable with this place and happy to have Gram's in a beautiful loving second home.

It is time that I move back to my home (where I have 2 mortgages and all of my belongings) and open the next chapter in my life. I am tired and just plain old worn out, especially since Papa's passing in January. I have neglected friendships because of time here and not being able to leave. I have to look for a job in this economy, and I have to reestablish myself as a person. Remember what my hobbies and interests are and start building my own family.

I wouldn't trade the time that I have spent caring for my grandparents for all the trees in the forest. Papa and Gram's are 2 of the best people in the world and I'm honored to have taken care of them for over 1 1/2 years. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done and I couldn't have done it without my best friend, Barry. What a pillar of support he has been for me and the family. As Papa/Gram's would say, "Not too many men would let their wife quit her job, move out of their house and be gone for this long.... and move in and take care of us! He is a great man." I couldn't agree more.

I would ask that you would keep her in your prayers and when you call or write, please remind her of the positive things for the new phase of her life. I would also LOVE to have pictures of you, new and old. Also, if you have some quick memories to jot down, I will be making her a scrap book of "memories." If you have any recommendations for me to help her, I'm all ears. If you have any questions, PLEASE ask them! It may trigger some things that I am not thinking of.

I love you and I appreciate your continued support. It takes a whole village to raise a child but it just takes a great family and network of friends to care for grandparents. Thank you.